Melbourne: You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't

I wonder why I feel so stuck nowadays. Probably because I'm not doing anything. Hard to believe in 2 months I'll be facing a completely new reality.

No maids.

No PS3.

No dart board.

No parents.

Counting down the months...

1. January
2. February
3. March
4. April
5. May
6. June
7. July

It's a little overwhelming to think about it. But here's something a little more overwhelming. Chances are that I may not go. RMIT still hasn't gotten back to me about my acceptance. Now I'm in a little panic mode. It's like they never accepted me but don't have the courtesy to tell me.

If they have accepted me and it is confirmed that I'm going then the mere thought of it is somewhat...frightening. Like there'll be no more weekend visits from my brother and here's the kicker,

I ain't coming back next February. Which means I'll be away for at least 9 months I guess.

Also, the whole leaving everything behind situation. All my friends, my home, my family. This is starting to feel like the end of an era.

My mom is going to be in Switzerland for 3 years starting June. I'm going to be away for 3 years starting July.

...and what if Aris doesn't go?

The plan after all was the two of us are supposed to go together.

But he hasn't handed in his grades to AusEd, what if he doesn't go? Am I supposed to go alone?

It's funny because at first I was supposed to go to Adelaide with Omer. Then I was supposed to go to Melbourne with Omer in February. Now I'm supposed to go with Aris in July. But what if he can't make it?

All this time I knew I was leaving but I at least had the comfort of knowing I would be going with someone I could trust. But the game has changed and I have to consider the possibility that I may going alone.

...and if I don't end up going?

Well, I see it as a whole year wasted. Which is something I'm trying to avoid.

I wonder how my mom looks so unconcerned. She's leaving in about just over a month and she just looks cool.

Whatever it is, May is going to be the big deciding month. If nothing is sorted by the end of May then it looks like I'll be staying here. One way or another, May will answer everything.