The Diary of a Madman

Therapy for the Depressed Soul

2010-07-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

Second week in Melbourne and I still miss home. It still hurts to remember what I left behind as it hurts to imagine what life would be like if I never left. But whether I like it or not, I'm stuck here in Melbourne.

Don't get me wrong, it's not all that bad. Food's better, shopping's better, electronics are somewhat cheaper.

But I still miss home...

A guy I met here, Malaysian Chinese named Henry asked me...well...this is how it went:

H: "So how do you like Melbourne?"
Z: "It's not bad I guess. Still a bit homesick though."
H: "Really? But here there's no one to nag you."

That's when it hit me. Maybe I miss being nagged.

I miss looking outside at 6 in the evening while the sun is still up.
I miss driving to e@Curve to buy a new game.
I miss playing FIFA 10's Manager Mode and yelling at the TV when I miss a goal.
I miss rolling my eyes when my older brother watches Ben 10.
I miss complaining to myself when my maid makes rice for dinner.
I miss connecting my laptop to the HD TV and watching HD YouTube videos.
I miss stable internet connection.
I miss calling my best friend in the middle of the night to talk about stuff.
I miss my bed and how comfortable it was.
I miss falling asleep on my carpet.
I miss waiting for the water to heat up before I take a shower.
I miss going to McD late in the night for supper with my brother.
I miss yelling random Arnold Schwarzenegger quotes with my best friend.
I miss going to Starbucks at Centrepoint almost every day.
I miss singing along to music in the car as my brother drives us around.
I miss the long queue at GSC.
I miss Little J and Marshall and our OS2 failed attempts.
I miss calling my brother to ask him what time he's coming over.
I miss calling the guard to inform them that my brother is coming over.
I miss sitting with my little brother.
I miss dropping off my older brother's laundry at his place at 10 on a Sunday night.
I miss the lousy and cheesy ads on Astro.
I miss my Sony PlayStation 3 80GB.
I miss my New Moon poster.
I miss my Batman poster.
I miss sleeping in everyday.
I miss my graphic novel collection.
I miss looking up at my shelf and seeing all the memorabilia that I've collected.
I miss coming home to a clean room.
I miss coming home to an uncleaned room and complaining about it.
I miss my friends.
I miss my family.
I miss watching repeats on Star Movies and HBO.
I miss when they censor the word 'Ass' on TV.
I miss being in the middle of a conversation and getting cut off and cursing Maxis.
I miss going to a 7 Eleven and buying 2 bottles of Red Tea, 2 bottles of Green Tea, and 4 cans of coffee.
I miss going back and forth with my brother or best friend about what to have for dinner.
I miss writing a KOI post and getting a call regarding it 20 minutes later.
I miss the ungodly humid heat that only Malaysia can offer.
I miss...I miss home...

This is Home

2010-07-18T03:55:00.000-07:00

After 6 months of doing utterly nothing and talking to just about everybody I know about it. I'm finally here in Melbourne, Australia.

I'll admit when I was at the LCCT back home about to pass the security gate, I looked back at my father and brother waving goodbye, it almost brought a tear to my eye (but there were people around so I had to restrain myself). But I guess it was mostly because I was having a major flashback from that security gate until we took off. Because at one moment, I was checking in and laughing and irritating my brother with a line from Inception (awesome movie) and the next I'm waving at my dad and brother as I leave.

But I guess the only time it hit me the hardest was when I was with Aris in the hotel room. He was being a pain as usual, and I was trying to counter his unwavering irritance. So I played the 'Round and Round' music video from my laptop but because it was 1080 HD, my laptop had a little trouble playing smoothly. Then, I said to him...

"Don't worry, when I get home I'll play this on my HD-"

Then I just stopped and I realized that my home is now here in Melbourne and not in KL.

When I went to sleep that night I was thinking of all the stuff I won't be doing. Like no more going out to 1 Utama and The Curve. No more playing FIFA 10 while my brother listens to me yell at the TV. No more going to Starbucks in Centrepoint just before midnight. The thought of all that kept me up and I really couldn't sleep. For God's sake, I slept at like 3am and woke up at 6.45am (1am - 4.45am, Malaysian time). Obviously I was earliest to wake up. So stepped out to the balcony and looked over the city and I kept repeating to myself...

"This is Home."

If I was in the A-Team, a plan would never come together...

2010-06-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

A day almost a year in the making...foiled.

Seriously I'm so ticked off at myself right now! The one week I finally get Little J and Marshall together, free for the long anticipated Operation Stayover II, I screw up.

Doesn't help that Jun-Elle is going to Amsterdam and I'm leaving in 18 days!

Arrghh!!!

If my Grandpa wasn't already upset with me, I may have been able to ditch that party (which, let's face it, I'm being forced to go to). I don't sing and I don't get along with relatives I don't even know!

Brief run through on what could have happened and what is going to happen...

What was supposed to happen:

I go to dinner with Little J and Marshall at 7, we go for dinner and maybe a movie. Then go back to my place. We chill, talk, and laugh for a few minutes and fire up Guitar Hero. Then, when we get bored, we watch TV or better yet, a DVD box set. Then I'd tweet about how awesome the night is going and Marshall would be using is DSLR and firing everywhere. The next morning, they go home and I'll say to myself, "I love it when a plan comes together." and go into my Grandpas party full of vigor and happiness that the week has gone super awesome. Then go home and tell the brother about how awesome the week has been.

What is going to happen:

I get a text from Little J saying she can't make it on Wednesday, I go to my grandpa's birthday with the thought of my screw in the back of my head. Obviously, unhappy. I sit there in that dark room with listening to my step grandma and my grandpa and some other guests sing to some ungodly old Malay tunes. I hang with my cousins and uncle and then my uncle goes to sing and I complain to my cousins about what was supposed to happen. They sympathize with me. I go home and spend a night of supposed awesomeness alone and scrambling to re-plan OS2. Next morning I text Little J and she says she's free next week and then I text Marshall and he says he can't make it. I get further pissed and grumble to my brother about what was supposed to happen.

Call me the drama king but...

I HATE IT WHEN A PLAN FALLS APART!!!

Get Ready to Get Even

2010-05-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

4 weeks. I can't believe in about 4 weeks, I'm going to live in another country. Wow.

Well I'm not gonna think about. Not yet anyway.

With everyday that passes, I find myself having less and less to do. Usually I find things do look forward to for everyday of the week. Though generally it's the same thing over and over again.

Tuesdays in particular are awesome for television viewing simply because of...

I simply love this show. I know it's odd. But I love this concept of getting even and how organized they are. Each character brings their unique spin on everything and also have their own skills in which they specialize. I remember the first time I caught this show I was actually channel surfing and this was on. Been watching since.

But hey there are other shows I watch like GLEE and 90210. But then I realized I only liked those shows because of eye candy (DIANNA AGRON for GLEE and JESSICA STROUP for 90210). Well

OK I liked Glee eventually because Sue Sylvester is my television mentor.

But hey I'm also a fan of the classics. Think back to the time before The Twilight Saga influenced television and vampire perceptions (TRUE BLOOD). There was of course...

and

Yeah I'm a fan of classic vamps. You know the type that actually gets burned in sunlight? Stake to the heart? Drinks blood? No? Well then you're perception of a vampire is that of a fairy in Forks, Washington.

I loved the story of ANGEL in a sense where he was a vampire with a soul and I'm a sucker for a story with a brooding hero. As for Buffy, I like how she's trying to be a normal girl in a not-so-normal world with a not-so normal destiny and let's face it...I'M A SUCKER FOR BLONDES who wear black and kick ass...or I'll settle for freaky interior decor designs and plays the guitar.

While we're on the subject of people who lived for centuries.

I'd like to go back to the Old West...specifically to...

I just finished this game and it is FREAKING AWESOME. I paid RM 210 for it and it was worth every cent. The story is long and the script is compelling, the details in the graphics are spot on, and everything makes you feel like you're in the Old West. What more can you ask for?

Speaking of video games, I watched...

The movie wasn't too bad. I found the movie entertaining and it was cool to see the Prince actually do some of the moves he does in the game. However, I found myself looking at it as more of an Assassin's Creed movie instead in terms of the stunts. The script was funny when the situations were dire which watered down the importance of the situation. But it made up for it's flaws with GEMMA ARTERTON.

Half the time the movie was playing, I was only paying attention to her and not the dialogue. Seriously, her character alone is worth the watch. I call her a driving hazard because every time I drive pass the Prince of Persia movie billboard, I look at her and not the bloody Johor drivers.

Well that's a wrap I guess...

Later...

Melbourne: You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't

2010-04-26T01:14:00.000-07:00

I wonder why I feel so stuck nowadays. Probably because I'm not doing anything. Hard to believe in 2 months I'll be facing a completely new reality.

No maids.

No PS3.

No dart board.

No parents.

Counting down the months...

~~January~~
~~February~~
~~March~~
~~April~~
May
June
July

It's a little overwhelming to think about it. But here's something a little more overwhelming. Chances are that I may not go. RMIT still hasn't gotten back to me about my acceptance. Now I'm in a little panic mode. It's like they never accepted me but don't have the courtesy to tell me.

If they have accepted me and it is confirmed that I'm going then the mere thought of it is somewhat...frightening. Like there'll be no more weekend visits from my brother and here's the kicker,

I ain't coming back next February. Which means I'll be away for at least 9 months I guess.

Also, the whole leaving everything behind situation. All my friends, my home, my family. This is starting to feel like the end of an era.

My mom is going to be in Switzerland for 3 years starting June. I'm going to be away for 3 years starting July.

...and what if Aris doesn't go?

The plan after all was the two of us are supposed to go together.

But he hasn't handed in his grades to AusEd, what if he doesn't go? Am I supposed to go alone?

It's funny because at first I was supposed to go to Adelaide with Omer. Then I was supposed to go to Melbourne with Omer in February. Now I'm supposed to go with Aris in July. But what if he can't make it?

All this time I knew I was leaving but I at least had the comfort of knowing I would be going with someone I could trust. But the game has changed and I have to consider the possibility that I may going alone.

...and if I don't end up going?

Well, I see it as a whole year wasted. Which is something I'm trying to avoid.

I wonder how my mom looks so unconcerned. She's leaving in about just over a month and she just looks cool.

Whatever it is, May is going to be the big deciding month. If nothing is sorted by the end of May then it looks like I'll be staying here. One way or another, May will answer everything.

Let God's Love be With You

2010-04-14T00:41:00.000-07:00

...and you'll never see that title on my blog till I'm a born again Muslim.

Anyhow, just another boring sleepy week. *Sigh*

When is my car coming!?

Damn you Kedah JPJ guy.

I noticed I have a knack for being depressed from out of nowhere. Like an addiction to depression. I just sit in my room alone and without a sound I'll just feel depressed. This used to help a lot with my KOI writings. But now that everything is wonderful in the KOI Universe. I have no use for this depressive nature of mine.

I guess it all started with 'The Crow'. I've made it no secret that 'The Crow' is my favorite movie of all-time. Considering I haven't watched the whole Lord of The Rings or Matrix trilogies or The Shawshank Redemption, I'd say my movie savvy ain't as good as most people (I even thought Edward Scissorhand was mentally disturbing). Anyway, The Crow is a pretty sad movie based on the comic where the main character cuts himself out of depression but he's an undead so it heals up pretty fast. With that said, I guess it's no wonder why I'm often moody.

Also, I recently made a playlist on my iTunes entitled 'Sleep Tunes' which encompasses the following:

No More Wishing - Hayley Taylor
Forever and Always (Piano Version) - Taylor Swift
In The Sun - Joseph Arthur
Candles - Hey Monday
Lucy - Skillet
Fireflies - Owl City
Invisible Man - 98 Degrees
Unraveling - Julianne Hough
All We Ever Do is Say Goodbye - John Mayer
Friends, Lovers, or Nothing - John Mayer
Confessions (Part II) - Usher
Burn - Usher

In case you haven't guessed it, Sleep Tunes is a playlist which helps me sleep.

Take out Owl City and every song in there is bound to make someone depressed.

I tear before sleeping as well. Every night, after half an hour I shed a single tear or more even if I'm happy. So I Googled 'Tears in Sleep' and found a poem.

Man I should really see someone about this issue.

Later.

P.S: Before you start judging my music taste, Usher in 2004 was good. Invisible Man is meaningful in the lyrics department and Julianne Hough...is well...er...boring...so she helps me sleep. She was good once but then she sounded way to much like Miley Cyrus.

Not Been the Happiest Camper

2010-04-03T09:23:00.000-07:00

The viper mentality.

I suppose is what you can call it.

I shut myself from people. I work alone.

I like that but sometimes...

...I forget how to react to people.

Well, last week I realized this more than anything else.

Never once have I refused to go out with my best friend if I could help it.

Last week I did.

Why?

I honestly have no reason to.

But I guess, I've become a solitary creature.

Like a viper, I'm hostile to those who come close to me.

I'm not that person deep down.

I'm a social person with boundaries.

So if I acted hostile recently, now you know.

I'm stuck in my own prison. Just waiting for my parole to come by.

Not many people...

2010-04-03T09:17:00.001-07:00

...are too happy with my last blog post.

Remember?

It's about my couple friends.

Well I would like to take this time to be a diplomatic ass and apologize.

Sincerely.

I forget sometimes that people read what I write sometimes.

So yeah.

Sorry.

Watch Your Future Fade

2010-04-01T04:50:00.000-07:00

*Yawn* It's Thursday, April 1st. Hello world.

It's so nice hear people moving into relationships in their lives...NOT!

Funny isn't it? I always say "How come you never told me?" but now I know why. Not that fun when you hang out with couples. In fact, it can be quite annoying. Like for example, I went for a movie with a close friend of mine and her boyfriend. Unfortunately, we sat at the 3 chairs on the side at GSC. They were leaning on each other holding hands and obstructing my view of the screen. Ugh. I remember storming out of the cinema after that leaving the cinema as quick as I could. But maybe it was the circumstances surrounding the ordeal that made me sick to my stomach. But that's a story for another day.

I don't know. Maybe it's because I've been spending to much time in the KOI Universe that I'm suffering reality withdrawals. I like the KOI Universe, makes me feel better than you.

*Sigh*

But honestly, the worst feeling I guess is when you spend months thinking about a girl and she inadvertently shoots you down and then announces she has a boyfriend.

He may be a band or an athlete or in someways better than you.

What do you say? I remember what I said.

"Congratulations! Who's the lucky guy?"

When I really wanted to say:

"OK well, you have fun with that, we aren't going to be as friendly as we used to be."

Which is kind of true I mean, why would I waste my time talking to someone who is ignorant to the fact that she shot me down?

OK fine so maybe I'm a little unfair. But I've noticed that when a friend, regardless of guy or girl says "I'm in a relationship.", I tend to push that person away for a while.

It's like when we were both single it was:

"What's up my brother? Wanna hang?"

"Yeah sure bro, just let me know where and when!"

Now that one of us is in a relationship it's:

"What's up my brother? Wanna hang?"

"Busy. (Even when I'm not)"

I'm like Ted from How I Met Your Mother in that sense.

The couple complex.

I may feel differently when I enter a relationship. But right now, it's kind of the way I roll. Sometimes, I feel when you're announcing that piece of information to me it's like saying:

I'm better than you.
I have no time for you now.
I'll be bringing my boyfriend/girlfriend when we hang out and act all lovey dovey.

But the absolute worst is one is:

"We had our first kiss yesterday."

What can make you possibly believe that I care about that? I don't even expect my best friend or even my brother to tell me about it. I don't care if we're homies. Keep that piece of information to yourself.

No you know what the absolute WORST one is:

"We had sex for the first time yesterday."

I mean did I even ask? How do I respond to that?

"How was it?"

"Details man!"

"Let's talk positions."

"Protection?"

"What song was playing when you guys did it?"

Are you kidding me? What do you want me to do? Give you a high five? For all I know you stuck your finger up her ass or something. Ugh. Awkward.

It's a bad habit, but you know what?

Sue me.

To those of my friends who are in a relationship, I hope you have a long and prosperous relationship.

But for the love of all things holy. Don't write "You're amazing." on your status updates! We have wall-to-wall for a reason and even that can be draining.

Here's an idea, send a text! Be in love on your own time! Some of us feel nauseous with the "I wuv you baby!" and the "I mish you sho much!"

Get married! Then you'll be eternally together!

Now put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Now this is REAL PARALLEL SYNCHRONIZED RANDOMNESS

2010-03-22T10:40:00.000-07:00

Zanardy: What's that?
Some person: What's what?
Zanardy: That.
Some person: What?
Zanardy: That thingy.
Some person: What thingy?
Zanardy: Oh that's your face.

I honestly have no idea what I'm talking about. Hee hee. I'm just messing with myself.

Zanardy: Hey dude, what's IDK?
Some person: I don't know.
Zanardy: Ugh nevermind I'll ask someone else.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

"Because I'm Zanardy Teorista and I approve this message."

It's a new day, to be perfect. Hee hee hee~

Whoa big ass monster in front of me man...

ZANARDY: "Can you imagine if vegetarians had a country? They'd call it Vegetaria!"
ARIS: "Right why don't they just call it Greenland?"

I wore my heart on my sleeve once, the stitching was a little patchy so I sold it on eBay.

Hey look a shooting star! Nope that's just Clint Eastwood.

"In other news, the LaLa Revolution is taking over. Japan started it, Malaysia innovated it, idiots follow it. This has been Zanardy Teorista, reporting live from Channel 3 News reminding you that perfection is unattainable."

Monetize? What the hell is monetize?

It's raining, its pouring, the old man is snoring, I went to his bed, put a pillow to his face, and he couldn't wake up to annoy me~

This here is what you call domination...or if you prefer, you may call it a ZANARDY.

"I love you. I really do. You're the love of my life. Now sign these divorce papers. Here, here, and here. Come on I have a 3 o' clock appointment with Tiffany."

-Tiger Woods-

"My first mistake was dating a guy named Ashley. My second mistake was marrying him."

-Cheryl Cole-

"Hey they have two wax figures of me here! Hey my name ain't Zanardy Teorista!"

-Taylor Lautner-

I love the whole world, no place I'd rather be!

Boom de ah dah.

Go watch Discovery Channel lah!

Taylor Swift wanted to date me. But unfortunately the closes she got to me was Taylor Lautner

Now put that in your pipe and smoke it because it taste like Chicken!

Don't you hate it...

2010-03-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

...when you're pissed off at something so petty and childish?

Well I do. Usually I'm not the type to get pissed off about the littlest things in life. But I am the type to feel left out even if I don't show it. A phone call or a write on the wall every now and then would be lovely. Every now and then an invitation to chill would be nice.

Unless you ask me to go to a club then I know you don't want me there.

I understand that I'm not that much of a social animal and to be honest, I don't like hanging with big groups where people only listen to the loudest people.

To be honest, I feel somewhat offended. Maybe, it's the telling people for the twenty millionth time I'm free everyday, call if you wanna do something. Maybe it's the boredom pounding my skull in.

My brother has told me once and this has got to be the truest words I've heard from him.

"In cases like this is where you know who is your friend and actually means it and who just are friends with you for the sake of it."

...because now I can gauge who are my real friends, which is a small number and who are just tagging for the heck of it which is quite a large number.

It's depressing. Yes reader, I have feelings.

THE END

P.S.: Speaking of real friendship, going to start Muay Thai classes with Aris on Wednesday. Feeling excited and terrified.

Eclipse

2010-03-15T06:42:00.000-07:00

So just now when I turned on E! News. They were showing the trailer for Eclipse. Last year I went on an all-out, take no prisoners rampage on New Moon. Maybe it was because some people ditched my birthday to watch it, maybe because of the whole Taylor and Taylor thing, maybe it was the fact that some people say Taylor Lautner and I look alike. Regardless, I hated New Moon. In fact, I hated Twilight since the book so it's only natural that I hate movies.

Anyway, I watched the Eclipse trailer and that's when it hit me. Regardless, whether I love it or hate it, it's eventually going to be released. The more I think about it, the movie isn't really the problem.

The real problem?

The fans.

The fans are just so damn annoying. When we're nearing the release of the movie. My Facebook is filled with status updates and pictures of the goddamn saga.

I'm especially annoyed with people who say the loved the movie when all they like is two topless, emo, melodramatic male teenagers.

Here's the thing people...

ALL HYPE

I mean at least the people who say, "I don't like the movie but Jacob is hot so that's the real attention grabber." or "I prefer the previous movie but Ashley Greene is like whoa.". At least I can respect those dudes and chicks. It's just like me going to watch Valentine's Day. I like Taylor Swift and have made no secret of that. But you don't see me saying "Her performance was breath taking! I thoroughly enjoyed it!". Instead, I say they gave her the wrong role, she could have done better but for now she should stick to singing. An unbiased opinion.

But if there's one thing look forward to when Eclipse season hits, it's the people on YouTube bashing the movie and the fans. Otherwise, here's my verdict.

I don't give a damn about Rob Pattinson or Taylor Lautner. They live, they die, they strip, they wear three layers of clothing. I don't care. But it's the morons who love them and the saga that pisses me off.

I mean who knows? If the fans weren't such douchebags. I would actually consider watching the movie. I mean Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, and Dakota Fanning are worth it...

THE END

You are the thunder, I am the Lightning

2010-03-12T07:19:00.000-08:00

If there's one thing I share with gamers around the world, it was the wait for Final Fantasy XIII (don't judge me for being a geek!). Everyone talked about this game as being the game to look forward to in 2010. On March 10th, I finally got my copy of the game.

As I started playing it the opening sequence was amazing and the graphics were absolutely stunning. From there, your immediately put into the heat of battle. The battle system is a lot better than that of Final Fantasy XII in my opinion but I felt it shared a similarity to that of Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core in terms of engaging a battle.

When it comes to character building, I'd say the days of leveling up through random encounters are gone. Well somewhat. This is because of the new Crystarium system. While it is similar to the Sphere Grid in Final Fantasy X but with a twist. Instead of expending levels on skills, you accumulate Crystogen Points (CP) to acquire new skills and build your characters strengths.

For me, one of the best new features in the game is the Paradigm Shift. This basically allows you to shift between character classes for the three characters you are using in a battle. For example, the Relentless Assault paradigm has two ravagers (mages) and one commando (attacker).

As I mentioned earlier, the battle system has been polished up somewhat in comparison to Final Fantasy XII (or maybe I didn't pay attention because I disliked FF12). In battle, you basically control one character and the reason behind this is that the battle is active as you make your decisions. Unlike past Final Fantasies where you can just up and leave for lunch without pausing during a battle, now you have to make every decision and make a paradigm shift quickly. One of the things I noticed is that FF13's battle system runs very smoothly when you think about the things that are happening. While the battle system is superb as always I still long for the good old days when it was turn by turn.

Another thing I found enjoyable in Final Fantasy XIII is the voice acting. The characters truly come alive through the voice actors and it also gives you mixed emotions about certain character. Some of them really annoy you while some of them charm you. Their personalities also help access the gravity of a situation, gives you an idea about the area you're in, or just remind you of your mission objective. This is so because you while you're running through the wilderness or a war torn city, your party members hold conversations.

One thing that has disappointed me about the game is the lack of interactivity among the environment and people in the game. I've been playing the game for 11+ hours already and so far I've not been in any town without fighting. Another downside for me is the new Shop system. Where once you find a save point it is there and available. I liked it better when you visit shops in towns instead. Lastly, the lack of open world environments is another thing lacking. Maybe it comes in a little later, but when I think back to FF9 or better yet FF8 when about an hour or so in the game in you're in the world map, that is what FF13 lacks.

Overall, I don't see a reason why you shouldn't pick up the game even in spite of it's minor flaws. A newcomer to the world of Final Fantasy or a person who loved Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core will love this game. While people like me who have played every Final Fantasy since it's 7th installment will look at this as game as more hype than anything.

THE END

Thoughts

2010-03-04T04:12:00.000-08:00

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and some reading. I've been reading about everything from mysticism to the seven deadly sins to aesthetics and metaphysics.

My brother is a pretty wise guy so I guess I credit him for my interest in things outside the norm. He once said to me:

"Thoughts are contagious."

That got me to thinking. Thoughts define trends. What makes something 'cool'? People and the media I'd say. The media sensationalizes something and people catch on. Eventually, it's got the world talking and suddenly everyone is into the same thing. But then I start to wonder why people keep saying what makes you cool is when you don't care about what people think of you. If that is so, then why do people wear jeans and t-shirts when we can simply wear track pants or why wouldn't a man wear a dress?

People say that it's cool not to care what people think and in fact some people can go on saying how they don't care. But everyone is image conscious. Who's to say jeans and t-shirts are the norm when it can be sweat pants and track suits?

In the end, there is not one single person in the world who does not worry about their self image.

THE END

Why I'm Gleeked

2010-03-02T05:21:00.000-08:00

Let's clear the air. I'm not one of those people who are extremely crazy about Glee. I am one of those people who are crazy about Quinn Fabray.

Who is she really? Well she's Dianna Agron. The hottest Jewish chick I've had the pleasure of looking at. I mean Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman are lookers. But Dianna has definitely made me go "Wow!".

Glee fulfills it's purpose as a TV series in my opinion in a sense that it is entertaining and after last nights Glee marathon with Aris Bundchen, I now have Don't Stop Believin', It's My Life / Confessions (Part II), and I Say a Little Prayer on iTunes which kind of makes me feel like a hypocrite.

Anyway, back to Ms. Agron. She's awesome. She likes cemeteries, bones, and skeletons. Maybe she and I should watch 'The Crow' together one day.

Taylor who? Ms. Agron is the new chick on the block and I predict big things for her in the future.

THE END

P.S: I notice whenever I'm interested in a chick, she tends to be very successful. Look at Swift, she's had the most successful year ever in 2009.

P.P.S: 2010 belongs to Dianna Agron.

My Shadow

2010-02-28T08:04:00.001-08:00

What is this strange mood I’m feeling? It’s not depression but why do I feel sad? If anything I should feel frustration. But instead I feel. Alone. No not literally. There is another presence besides my own in this room. But in an emotional sense. I feel empty. It’s not me longing to be in a relationship. It’s more like I feel people don’t get me. As much as I may sound like an emo teenager. It’s true.

In my mind, I pictured a scene. Straight out of something from ‘Book of Eli’. There’s a long road. No turns. Just a straight path. The surrounding of that road is barren. Dry, empty, and lifeless. On that road is me. Walking in one direction. Without a purpose. As I continued walking the sun came down and my shadow grew as the world around me seemed to get darker and darker eventually becoming a dark realm. There were no stars to light up the sky. Just darkness.

Looking at the guy walking on the path I feel I can relate to his emotions. He’s alone with only his shadow as company. At the end of the day, the only one who truly understands my emotions is the shadow alongside me.

Valentine's Day

2010-02-13T10:15:00.000-08:00

Ah Valentine's Day. Can you feel the love in the air? Seriously I'm not going to be one of those guys who are bitter about being single on Valentine's Day nor am I going to address it as Single's Awareness Day. It is what it is.

Valentine's Day is a celebration for the guys who mustered up the courage to get a chicks phone number. It is also a day when chicks get chocolate and flowers. Except I think today is different because all the Chinese couples are off with their respective family members and getting fat. While the chicks are with their family members...getting fat.

People seem to forget that Valentine's Day is not a day to celebrate love. But rather to celebrate St. Valentine's fight for love.

I'm not claiming I know the whole story. Just some dude who secretly married people and died for it.

But here's something I don't understand. There are about 365 days in a year. Why pick the 14th of February to express your love?

To me the 14th of February will just be another day in the calendar.

Happy Chinese New Year guys...

SKILLET or TAYLOR SWIFT

2010-02-08T12:46:00.000-08:00

I want to watch Skillet live. They're the only band that has made me thought to myself: if I had to choose between Taylor Swift's Fearless Tour or Skillet's Awake and Alive Tour, I'd go for the Awake and Alive Tour. I'm not going to say I love all their songs. But I do love most of the song on the Comatose and Awake album.

Seriously when I listen to 'Awake and Alive', I feel this sudden surge of energy coursing through me and it motivates me. Especially the line:

"Now it's my time. I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life"

The song 'Lucy' to me is almost the perfect emo song. The way the song is played, the softer tones and the low tone voice give the song the perfect mood. This is like the song you listen to when you want to continue to torture yourself after a break-up. After all, part of the chorus is:

"Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her. I'd give up all the world to see that little piece of Heaven looking back at me."

I guess what I like most about Skillet is their ability to adapt to a style of song-writing. I mean songs like 'Hero', 'Monster', or 'It's Not Me It's You' are all in your face. Then they have songs like 'Yours to Hold', 'The Last Night', and 'Don't Wake Me' is about love and relationships.

They call the genre of their song 'Christian rock'. Which puzzles me. Why would you call a song 'Christian Rock'? Why? Is it because they sing about their faith? Because if that's the case then they may as well call it 'Religious Rock'. As far as I've heard on the two Skillet albums I have. I haven't heard the word Jesus or Christ or anything of that nature. I find it weird when someone labels a type of music like that. I've had people say to me "But Skillet's music is Christian rock.". Here's the thing. To me music is music. I don't go up to you and say "Nasi lemak is a Malay dish.".

Jon (their front man) said it best. When he said they write songs for themselves.

Don't get me wrong, I as big as the next Taylor Swift fan. Hell, I think I can safely say I'm the biggest Taylor Alison Swift fan in Malaysia. No, scratch that. The biggest Taylor Swift fan in Southeast Asia. But I can safely say that my brother and I are the only ones in this country who listen to Skillet's music and actually enjoy it.

I said this to Omer and I'll say this here:

"I like Skillet's 'Awake and Alive' so much. That I would gladly give up Taylor's Fearless Tour to watch Skillet perform this particular song."

So between:

and

Well let's see...

On Skillet's 'Awake' album, the songs I like are:

Awake and Alive
Hero
Lucy
Believe
It's Not Me It's You
Monster
Don't Wake Me

On Taylor's 'Fearless' album, the songs I like are:

Fearless
Breathe (Feat. Colbie Caillat)
White Horse
Love Story
You're Not Sorry
Change

Clearly the only way Taylor can win this one is if I use her Platinum Edition instead which is clearly unfair. Hell even this was a mismatch. 'Awake' only has 12 tracks as compared to 'Fearless' which has 13 tracks. If I included the Platinum Edition, it'll be a total of 16 tracks and a DVD.

Taylor Swift may have won Album of The Year at the Grammy's. But the best album I heard in 2009 was Skillet's 'Awake' album.

Commandments of Confusion

2010-01-31T09:49:00.000-08:00

Rotting at home. What's new? Weekend schedule is about going out with my brother. Weekdays it's driving lessons. Well not tomorrow anyway because tomorrow is my DRIVING TEST. Yes, that's right. Finally Zanardy will be going for the big one. To be quite honest I'm kind of nervous. Possibly because I don't have good momentum going into this test. The last time I drove, I knocked down poles, my hand brake wasn't working. You name it, I did it. When I told my brother. He simply said "It happens.". I don't want to fail tomorrow and it may result in me having to bribe the guy. But I'm a kid of principles so I highly doubt it will come to that. As I heard, it's 'Federal Territory Day' tomorrow. So while all you people are nicely tucked away in your beds, I will be suffering cardiac arrest tomorrow at 11:30 AM. I'm so hoping that my driving instructor will let me practice first before he puts me in a 'do or die' situation.

Tomorrow I'll be missing the Grammys and the Royal Rumble. I would write my predictions but I need to sleep now. On that note, I shall leave thee with some of my Photoshops:

THE END

Zanardy Writes a RAP

2010-01-13T10:58:00.000-08:00

Yo. This here. Going out to all my homies. All the gangstas.

Yo yo check it.

My name's Zanardy Teorista, I'm the real deal, nice to meet ya, me and you I'm always betta. I'm living the dream. Y'all wanna join my team. I'm the real deal son. My street cred weighs a ton. Before I'm done. Yo. I'm gonna be numbah one. All y'all fools out there, betta bounce cause yo' done.

My rhymes are so sweet. Just feel the rhythm of my beat. Y'all can't test me yo. I was born in the street. For real yo, y'all can go lick my feet. I'm a rapper son. Y'all better recognize. I speak nonsense and y'all gon' be mesmerized. Better memorize my lyrics kid. Time to take notice. Name's Zanardy Teorista. I'm on top of the invite list.

I'm betta than Diddy. I'm betta than Shady. I'm betta than Snoop Snoop D-O double G. I'm betta than Jay-Z. OK maybe not Jay-Z. I hit the clubs. Status of a VIP. Y'all show up my club. On my dub. Yo. Y'all gonna look like Kanye at a Taylor Swift fan club.

Betta recognize son this ain't no thug story. Totally unrelated. My favorite movie stars Brandon Lee. Back to the topic yo. This gon' be historic. I'm the future y'all just prehistoric.

Word.

I HATE BEING EIGHTEEN

2010-01-06T05:07:00.000-08:00

I just hate it when you think you're doing something right and you end up getting blamed for whenever that screws up. When I said I made the decision to go to the RMIT thing. My mom lectured me.

No "Oh good Zanardy." or "Good idea Zanardy.". All I got was "If you go write down bla bla bla.".

By right, I suppose I should want to go and do my level best to get there. But is it so difficult to pat me on the back or at least sing me a tiny praise? Because apparently it is.

So today we're at dinner and I tell her tomorrow might not happen.

I knew it was way too much to expect a "Well at least you tried.". Even if you wanted to berate me you could have done so with a "Who asked you to be so late?" and be done with it.

Instead what did I get?

"Something so simple like this also you can't do. This is what irritates me. Something as important as this also you cannot plan. You're already a young adult. Bla bla bla."

At some point in the 'conversation'. I simply tuned her out and started replaying 'It's Not Me It's You' by Skillet over and over again.

This incident inspired me to create a new playlist in my iTunes entitled 'Rage/Anger/Frustration.

My mother is a person who is impossible to get a word of approval or praise from.

I mean even at 18, I get belittled.

I hate being 18. I hate everything about being 18. I hate the fact that when you hit 18 people always think you already know everything. I hate the fact that when you're 18 people expect you to make no mistakes. I hate it when you're past the 18th year from which you were born people expect you to be more like them.

If I had my way, I would go back to the carefree days of Age 5. When the only thing expected of you is to color in the lines and it's OK if you color outside every now and then.

12 Hours, 12 Memories

2009-12-31T03:47:00.000-08:00

As we approach the final 12 hours of 2009, I start to reminisce. Thinking back. Looking through the bittersweet memories of this fading year. So here I bring the 12 best memories of 2009 in the final 12 hours of 2009.

THE COLLEGE PROLOGUE

Definitely one of the biggest moments in 2009 for me would be threading the uncharted waters of college. In January, I entered Taylor's College PJ for the first time ever. Met some of the craziest people you could ever meet. This sprung a series of events that would include bubble tea, Rouche, Poppers, Bush Killaz, Ding Dongs, and a lot more.

THE COLLEGE EPILOGUE

Every story has an ending and how could I not forget this one? Several hours before the final paper, those crazy people that I met in college and myself were capturing the moments. 3 hours of non-stop photo taking using Mac Books. I remember looking at the last paper, Islamic Studies to be exact, and putting down the pen and whispering "Goodbye.".

THE FINAL ASSIGNMENT

Wei Wen, Omer, Mark, and myself. Teamed up for what would be the first and last time ever. We were to do a social documentary on 'Peer Pressure'. A video which had lightsabers, Kevin, Jumper, an adopted cop, and a very confused protagonist. Off the camera, there was Uncharted 2, pulling of an all-nighter, and falling asleep with the Disney Channel on TV.

KISS

I remember there was this assignment we had to do that was supposed to be on musical influences before the 90s'. My team which comprised of Juann, Sue Mae, Michelle, and myself were gonna give a presentation neither of us would soon forget. I told them "Don't worry, I'll handle it.". Making a video alone. But there was a catch. We had to put on face paint. Thus, KISS was reborn in the form of 4 college students.

ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?

Well I was, towards the end of 2009, Aris Bundchen and myself with our respective families headed to Penang. To the Hard Rock Hotel in Penang. Several memorable events occurred there like my first taste of Coronas, having an entire room for myself, the flat tire incident, writing in a book with sand and salt water between my toes and of course, my first Hublot.

A TRIP TO ADELAIDE

Going with my Grandma and Mom was fine and dandy. But my time there wasn't that much of a thrill. Adelaide is still the only overseas trip I had this year. The only time was ever vocal during the trip was when we were in the hotel room. Otherwise, complete silence. Still, voice chatting with Aris Bundchen while everyone was sleeping was fun. "What's that noise in the background?" he said. "That's my grandma." I answered.

OPERATION STAYOVER

Definitely memorable in so many ways. One of which was that this was the first time I've ever had a girl stay over at my place. Having Jun-Elle and Wei Wen over was going to be a crazy 24 hours. Well, it was somewhat anyway. Jun-Elle and I drove Wei Wen's car. We watched The Crow. Listened to Jun-Elle talk about Hayden Christensen. Nerf guns and Jedi battles. Jun-Elle freaked out playing King of Fighters XII. Training Jun-Elle for Undang. Wei Wen going on the whole day saying 'no sleep tonight!'. He was the first person to fall asleep. At 3 AM no less. Epic FAIL.

A TALE OF TWO MOVIES BACK-TO BACK TWICE

The first time that happened this year was when Kelly, Brian, and myself went out. I think it was the first time since high school. So the movies we watched back-to-back were Watchmen followed by Marley & Me. The second time this happened was just 24 hours ago. Aris Bundchen and I went to watch Sherlock Holmes and Avatar.

TAKING THE KTM FOR THE FIRST TIME

Public transport is a pain. You have to wait among the masses and somewhere along the way there's a funky smell and people you just don't want to deal with. It was then, when Phil, Jun-Elle, Wei Wen and I encountered a lady after a long 45 minute wait. Very vocal she was. Hearing her scream "You people are so stupid la!!!". Referring to the people clamoring to board the train. We eventually opted for a cab after that.

#10

A FAMILY REUNION

Raya '09 was interesting. Sure it was similar to the last Raya with some different twists. My uncle brought his PS3. Jayden changing the channel to E! and then running away with the remote (and he's only 14 months old). Eating the best local food ever. Most importantly of all, picking up some money along the way.

#11

THE YEAR OF WINSTON

Yes, you heard me right. Winston. I dare mention and mock him here because I know he won't read this. Winston, to put it eloquently, is a drifting, DJ Hero, Feng tau person. Full of vibrant Dum chas. Aris and I came up with a way to embrace his growing legacy. Every time we see a modified Proton (the ones that make a lot of noise and go 20 KM/h) we yell "Winston!". The thing is that guy gives more and more ways to embrace him. Not making it, stoning while driving and who could forget "Why get Guitar Hero when you can get DJ Hero?". Good times.

#12

TURNING EIGHTEEN AT THE DAWN OF A NEW MOON

The 26th of November was a bittersweet day for me. It was my birthday but also the release of New Moon. Hell, I know some people who blew off my birthday because they wanted to watch New Moon. Anyway, it was still memorable in so many ways. I got my first dart board courtesy of Jun-Elle, Phil, Wei Wen, and Michelle. But the birthday gift that stole the show is what glued the bittersweet day all together. A New Moon poster. With my face on it.

So what can I expect in 2010?

My Driver's License
Fluent Spanish
Melbourne

Missed me?

2009-12-21T09:59:00.000-08:00

Been on my Tumblr way too much lately...

I've always said my Tumblr is where I write my emotions. This is just mindless ramblings.

Anyhow I thought I'd come here and update my very few readers on what I've been up to:

Went to Penang and stayed at the Hard Rock

Played Dragon Age: Origins

Played The Saboteur

Cried

The End

A Message From Jerrenn (Yes like the one on Tumblr)

2009-12-03T07:22:00.000-08:00

OK so I’ve been meaning to do this for a while and lord knows I hate rewriting stuff unless it’s really awesome. Well, this just happens to be really awesome.

It’s a message that I found when opening the notebook I got from Jerrenn.

It goes a little something like this:

Zanardy,

I can’t remember when we first met, but when we did, I definitely found your “Hollywood World”, as I call it, a little weird. But I’ve gotten accustomed to it and accepted it as you. As time passed I found it downright creative.

You have taught me to be myself, and not be ashamed about it, and that is something I will remember for a long time.

I don’t think we’ve worked together in many assignments, but I think it was fun during those times. Too bad we didn’t manage to be together for more assignments.

One thing I’ve noticed from being around you is that you always carry a notebook with you, and occasionally you would take it out and scribble stuff. I hope you’ll use this notebook and scribble all your creative ideas. Who knows, one day it might come in handy, and you’ll find yourself in Hollywood!

We might not be seeing each other that often now since I’ll be going to Adelaide and you Melbourne, but I wish you all the best in your future undertakings, and may you be healthy and happy.

Lastly,

Happy Birthday!
Always your friend,
Jerrenn

Seriously that’s awesome beyond awesomeness. I can only think of three names when it comes to people to have dedicated a paragraph to me (in this case more than one).

Aris Bundchen
Michellious
Jerrenn

If you’re reading this. Thanks bro. I appreciate it.
(On a side note, top this Wei Wen! A Tumblr text trumps a silly Facebook status update any day of the week! =P)

Reply to a certain Twi-hard Fan

2009-12-01T09:44:00.000-08:00

When I read that post, I didn't want to say anything. That is until I read this particular sentence:

"New Moon and The Dark Knight are in the same categories."

Let me make this perfectly clear for you. THEY'RE NOT.

New Moon is a romantic book adaptation.

The Dark Knight is an action comic book movie.

I agree with one thing though. Both have non-existent characters. But what's different is that at least the characters in The Dark Knight stick to what was their original being.

Twilight turned respectable creatures like vampires into pathetic wusses.

Edward Cullen is NOT a vampire!

He's a freaking FAIRY!

Characteristics of a vampire:

Blood sucking
Violent
Merciless
Weak against holy water, garlic, and the sun

Characteristics of a fairy:

Runs around in a forest
Sparkles in sunlight
Not violent at all

You want vampires?

Go see Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Interview With The Vampire, or Underworld.

Not Twilight, True Blood, or the goddamn Vampire Diaries.

You know what else is different between The Dark Knight and New Moon?

One of them is actually good.

The acting in The Dark Knight is freaking brilliant. Heath Ledger as The Joker is probably the best supporting role I have ever seen.

As far as I've heard Taylor Lautner gave a decent performance in New Moon and is one of the young stars to look out for in the future. For his role as a dog.

...and before you say werewolf let me clarify something.

Werewolves transform in a full moon. They prey on the weak. They actually walk on two legs.

I saw the New Moon trailer. Guess what? He changes whenever he wants. He is on four legs and he's the romantic type. A freaking dog.

That's all I got for now because I'm kinda tired.

I'm sorry if I offended you but that's my perception.

PS: My favorite movie of all-time is The Crow and not The Dark Knight.

PPS: I'm not jealous of Edward Cullen because if a girl had decent sense, she'd pick me over a non-existent character. If she went with Cullen. She's not worth my time.

PPPS: We should hang out. Kinda bored at home.

Legally 18. Illegally New Moon.

2009-11-28T07:14:00.000-08:00

26.11.1991

Zanardy Teorista was born.

26.11.2007

Zanardy Teorista had his first taste of alcohol during his 16th Birthday.

26.11.2009

Zanardy Teorista celebrated his 18th birthday and apparently made a cameo in New Moon.

Yeah you read it right. Although I should really explain how that came about.

As everyone knows by now. I despise the Twilight saga. I think it is the most over hyped phenomenon since K-Pop. But here's what happened on 26th November 2009. It was my birthday and the release of New Moon.

So I had dinner at The Apartment with only close friends and family invited.

Leading up to this dinner, my best friend Aris Bundchen dropped me a series of hints as to what his birthday present to me may be. The one thing he kept repeating was:

"You're either gonna be pissed first then laugh about it later or laugh first then be pissed about it."

Could have been several things:

The Jonas Brothers
Korea
Twilight

But I never thought about it. So I opened it piece by piece and well...

Officially lost it...

Loving You

2009-11-08T11:21:00.000-08:00

It was a long flight back to the big city. They welcomed us with flashing lights.

But nothing stands out more than your eyes. You've got your thing to do. I've got my thing to do. We have argued a lot about the littlest of things. However make no mistake. I treasure every moment with you. The good or bad. For better or worse.

It's amazing. The journey we had between now and then. As you blossomed, my life was turned upside down. Inside out. My career. My relationships with my friends. My relationship with you. Everything.

But despite overwhelming circumstances, I've managed to hold together. Partially. Let me rephrase that. Mostly because of you. ~~You are my everything~~. You were my everything.

For better or worse. This turned for the worse. I suppose. Twice prior to this. We've been on the rocks. I guess this makes it number three.

Here's what I don't understand. We've been in a relationship for months. You knew him for weeks.

Despite an overwhelming odd. You still can't decide?

Let me make the decision for you. Go to him. Go see if you're making the right decision. I've never once cheated on you or in any of my past relationships. We can't exactly say the same for him now can we? I mean he did cheat on my best friend's girlfriend.

What are you gonna do if he does that again to you?

Write another hit single?

Run back to me?

I'm tired of him interfering in my life. Basically trying to mimic my moves. I'm sick of the fact that we share the same hairstyle. I'm sick of the fact that he wears black everywhere. Just like me. Now he wants to take you away from me?

You and I have our little fiddles. We have different picks in movies. There was the teh tarik fiasco. Our recurring trust issues. I don't like hockey. I don't do sports.

How about him? I give him the fact that he's athletically gifted. Whether or not he likes hockey is questionable. I'll give him the fact that girls everywhere are crazy for him. But there's one thing I can't give him and that's the fact that he'll love you more than I do.

He may be just messing with my head. But right now I'm in no proper state to fight him. He wants you he can have you. I just can't deal with him anymore. Like I can't deal with you being conflicted between me and him.

I hope you and him work out better than you and I did. Because if you don't and you call me.

I won't pick up.

So congratulations Wolf Boy.

This is me...

...giving up.

So put that in your monologue.

Timeline of November 4th 2009

2009-11-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

Timeline of today:

7:45 AM

Left for college

9:00 AM

English for College Studies 3

12:00 PM

Finished exam and went to Rouche Cafe

12:45 PM

Waited for my Nasi Goreng Kampung

12:55 PM

Pay for food and went to Media Hub and 'studied'

2:00 PM

Media Appreciation

3:24 PM

Finished exam

4:15 PM

Left college for Aris Bundchen's crib

4:57 PM

Arrive at Aris Bundchen's crib

5:30 PM

Went to Ikano and ate 4 sandwiches at The Bakery

6:15 PM

Went back to Aris' crib and played Winning Eleven

7:45 PM

Left Aris' crib to return to Valencia

8:17 PM

Had dinner at the clubhouse with the mother and Aris

9:00 PM

Got home and started studying for Social Psychology

11:10 PM

Finished notes on aggression and watched Pinocchio on the Disney Channel

12:00 AM

Continued reading till I completely lost focus and did Social

Interviews on Facebook

12:30 AM

Done writing this post

Salvation in Music

2009-11-03T02:42:00.000-08:00

Hello world, me again...how are you today? Nice fine weather we have today...except Malaysia which according to my Yahoo! Widget feels like 37 Degrees...

Anyway, been busy with studying. Even though I would say I spend more time trying to convince my brain to work. That is until today. I finally found a way to narrow my focus away from all the other distractions.

iTunes + Philips In-Ear Headphones = Productivity

Never doubt the ability of music. Much less the combination of music and in-ear headphones.

Thanks to that combination I was able to write notes for magazine and radio in a row.

Why do drugs and music is just as addictive and easier to access?

No needles required. Just need the presence of music, a pair of ears, and a passionate heart.

Teardrop on Fire

2009-10-28T08:38:00.001-07:00

What an interesting day today was. I went to One Utama at around 12:45 PM. Met up with Aris Bundchen at around 1:03 PM. He was there to send his car for the servicing required. According to Aris, the mechanic said that it would be done in 2 hours. So we went to have lunch and walked around for a couple of hours.

When we got to the car, turns out they hadn’t even begun their work.

So then they said “Come back in 3 hours.”

We were two boys in a mall, short on cash.

Anyway, so we decided to go watch a movie.

Law Abiding Citizen

I personally loved the movie. This was one of those rare movies where I wanted the bad guy (Gerard Butler) to win. To me this movie is the best from Gerard Butler thus far this year.

Then after the movie we went to talk to the mechanic and he said “another 3 hours”.'

But luckily, in the end the mechanic whom probably was high was done in 30 minutes.

Not The Final Notice

2009-10-27T21:14:00.000-07:00

We had it all. We were good. Just not great.
Story of our lives isn't it?

Were we not compatible?
Is that what it was?

I loved you...

I trusted you

When we were together

I would not have thought

That you would break my heart

this way....

So here I am...

Surrounded by friends

But the sad thing is...

I can't seem to

forget you

Your smile

Your voice

Your touch

Your embrace

All etched in my head

Sadly...

I can't seem to forget you...

Why do I have a feeling

that you're going through

the same situation?

I had plans for us...

Our future...

This wasn't part of the plan...

It was supposed to be me

Not him

This wasn't supposed to happen

But it did...

I realize that...

...but that doesn't mean...

I accepted it...

When I see you

when I think of you

and him...

The feeling is lost...

Just like any memory

of us...

Guess who's back?

2009-10-27T10:00:00.001-07:00

It's been a very very long time since I've posted anything here. Lot's of things have happened. Let's save that for another time yeah? The point is I've been so focused on my Tumblr that I forgot about blogger. Well now I'm back.

Am I talking to someone or am I alone?

2009-09-02T10:30:00.001-07:00

Another tiring day today. But hey at least all assignments were done the night before. So here’s a quick update on what’s been happening…

[GAMING]

Soul Calibur IV

I know it’s a little late to bring this game up…

But I recently got it and I like it.

The fighting system is fast, exciting, and nothing too complex.

Much like it’s predecessors Soul Calibur IV has 2 special characters. Darth Vader and The Apprentice.

One of the great things about Soul Calibur IV is that it uses 3D character models and the ring is actually a ring unlike King of Fighters XII or Street Fighter IV which are just you moving left to right and right to left.

A key feature in Soul Calibur IV is the character customizability in which you just between several fighting styles (lightsaber not included). From there you customize what your character wears and every piece of armor or clothing has a special trait which is added to your characters attributes.

It’s a good game…

[4/5]

[MOVIES]

District 9

This movie is what I like to call half awesome.

The starting was unique but it was slow.

Slow to the point where I actually fell asleep during the first half. But after I woke up the movie was really interesting.

The movie is very gory and violent and the dialogs are very repetitive. Especially the ‘F’ word…

Sharlto Copley who is the starring actor did a fantastic job when it came to acting. You could actually feel the emotion in the movie.

Overall I think Peter Jackson did another fantastic job on a film.

[4/5]

[TECHNOLOGY]

PS3 Slim

I’ve been distracted by the Nokia N900 so much as of late that I forgot about the PS3 Slim.

Obviously, I already have a PS3 but a friend of mine is going to buy the PS3 Slim.

So what’s the difference between the PS3 and the PS3 Slim?

It’s smaller.

The ‘Eject’ and ‘Reset’ buttons are now actual buttons and are no longer touch sensitive.

It’s available in 120 GB.

[MUSIC]

Song: Feel

Artist: Marié Digby

Album: Breathing Underwater

Song: City

Artist: Sara Bareilles

Album: Little Voice

Song: Pete Wentz is The Only Reason We’re Famous

Artist: Cobra Starship

Album: Hot Mess

Let’s call you ‘Awesome’

2009-08-31T00:13:00.001-07:00

So, this past week due to H1N1 fiasco, college has been well more or less shut down. For me anyway.

So what have I been doing during this ‘festive’ time?

[GAMING]

Batman: Arkham Asylum

4.5/5

The game is sheer awesomeness, it takes the Batman universe to something much darker.

For example, The Riddler is normally a classy guy but in the game he talks about dismembering a baby for his riddles.

The graphics in the game are awesome, no question. The detail in the Batsuit is spot-on.

The soundtrack in the game is very dark and ominous and very fitting with regards to certain situations.

There are a few minor problems for me though, the game is too short, there are no alternate costumes for story mode, and the camera angles can be headache inducing at times but otherwise, the game is brilliant.

[4.5/10]

[MOVIES]

I Love You, Beth Cooper

For the record, this movie is a guy movie.

This movie can be arousing at times.

But me watching this movie during a time when I can’t get sexually aroused?

Bad move.

I Love You, Beth Cooper has a very bad flow, no proper story, and at most parts the humour isn’t funny and the movie is slow.

Other than that it’s ok I guess.

I guess I’ll just put it this way…

I love you Beth Cooper…just not your movie.

[2/5]

[TECHNOLOGY]

Nokia N900

This phone is just…well it’s unbelievable how awesome this phone is. I can’t describe it. I have no words for it. But all I know is I want it.

3.5-inch 800×400 touchscreen

Slide QWERTY Keyboard

5.0 Megapixel Camera with Carl Zeiss Optics, auto focus and dual LED Flash

Wi-Fi

32GB storage memory with up to 48GB expandable memory

FM Transmitter

GPS with Ovi maps

Photo tagging

3.5mm headphone jack

TI OMAP 3430: ARM Cortex-A8 600 MHz processor

Mozilla based browser

Maemo OS with Adobe Flash on board

Cost wise, it’s about $718 which is about RM 2,533.10. Just RM 200 more than the Nokia N97.

[MUSIC]

There are a few songs I’ve been listening to as of late…

Song: Falling Down

Artist: Selena Gomez and the Scene

Album: Kiss & Tell

Song: Vanilla Twilight

Artist: Owl City

Album: Ocean Eyes

Song: One by One

Artist: Unkle Bob

Album: Sugar & Spite

Song: Black Roses Red

Artist: Alana Grace

Album: With One Word

Can’t pretend anymore…

2009-08-25T23:45:00.001-07:00

I’ve reached my breaking point.

The fasting month just started and I’ve tried to tolerate it. During this time of detox I thing I’m going through withdrawal.

I had one salvation though.

Only one thing can satisfy my hunger as a geek, gamer, comic enthusiast…

Yes, call me a fanboy but the statistics speaks for itself.

“Batman: Arkham Asylum is this year’s Bioshock.” – Game Informer

“Arkham Asylum is comfortably the best comic book game that Playstation’s ever had” – OPM

There’s just one problem.

The release date for the game was supposed to be on August 25th. So I went to the game shop today with a big smile on my face.

Confident that I was about to purchase a highly anticipated game.

So I asked…

“Hi do you have Batman: Arkham Asylum?”

“Oh, Arkham Asylum will only come out here on either Friday or Saturday.”

*My facial expression changes instantly*

“Oh, ok. Can I see your Wolfenstein?”

“Sure.”

*Shows me Wolfenstein*

“Is this a first-person shooter?”

“Yes.”

'”Can I see your Demon’s Soul?”

“Sure.”

"Is this game good?”

“Well it’s a good RPG la. Like World of Warcraft a little bit.”

Then like the absolute dumbass that I am, I bought it. Knowing that I needed that money for Batman: Arkham Asylum.

But with the fact that it got a 9.4 Readers Average on IGN. I figure that it would be a decent game. So I came home with Demon’s Soul.

The game starts out nicely, you choose between several classes of medieval soldiers and venture to kill demons.

Then I died.

Now the game developer is obviously without a shadow of a doubt a retard.

Why?

Because there are no fucking checkpoints anywhere in the game!!!

Already the frame rate is headache inducing and combine that with the sheer fact that your battling through hordes of demons inching ever closer to the end of the level and next thing you know you die and have to start all the way from the fucking beginning.

Now, I have not enough money to capture Batman: Arkham Asylum.

I also have nothing to do from now till Friday because of the goddamn H1N1 bullshit that’s happening in college.

ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!

Note to god, I realize I’m swearing a lot but can you blame me? I just made the biggest mistake in the month of August and it’s all because I can’t eat this month. I’m hungry and right now angry.

Fuck you Demon’s Soul developer. I hope you choke on a fish bone and die with blood gushing out of your throat.

And fuck you ‘Port Klang’ import guy. For delaying my destiny. I hope you fall into the Klang river and drown to oblivion.

On a side note, fuck you ‘Guy who exports games’. I was supposed to be having the time of my life with Batman: Arkham Asylum right now and you ruined that feeling with your delays. I hope your slow and painful death is not delayed.

Yes I know, I’m overacting because of a video game. But you know what? It’s not just a video game, it’s Batman: Arkham Asylum.

Stress Level Rising

2009-08-19T10:20:00.001-07:00

This has been one hell of a week thus far. Normally, that statement is related to something good but there hasn’t been anything good since this week started. Media appreciation presentation tomorrow, a research proposal to be handed in on Friday, book review to a book of which I’m only on the 32nd page, video documentary, economics presentation, and social psychology assignments waiting at the back of the line.

My attempts at doing a research proposal at Aris’ place has led me to enter a dream where I was in Manchester with Aris, Selena, and of course Demi.

1 hour and 45 minutes later I woke up with a slight backache and with ‘Remember December’ playing from my laptop as I try to soak in what I believe people call reality.

Been hanging around at Aris’ place a lot lately actually. Mostly because my mum is having endless dinner functions and I get easily bored at home.

Yes even with a PS3, Astro, decent internet connection, Wii, and a new Nerf N-Strike Maverick. Sometimes talking and laughing with the older brother I never had can be refreshing.

Also been suffering a total lack of sleep this week.

On Sunday night, I slept at 2:15 AM and woke up at 6:00 AM on Monday morning.

On Monday night, slept at 3:30 AM and woke up at 8:30 AM on Tuesday morning.

Last night, slept at 4:15 AM and woke up at 6:20 AM this morning.

To be honest, I’m really really tired and hungry right now.

My bed looks like it’s calling me…

There’s nothing in the house that I can eat. Just drinks.

I want to sleep.

Badly.

But the research proposal holds higher priority than sleep.

The 500 word intro does anyway.

So what else did I do this week?

Well…

False Reality: A Tour of Zanardy’s Psyche

2009-08-03T08:59:00.001-07:00

Some people often have different interpretations of what is a fantasy. A fantasy can usually be broken into age groups. Kids who haven’t reached puberty live in their own world of unicorns, dragons, and a knight in shining armour…a fairy tale of sorts. Then there are the teenagers with raging hormones and anyone older. They have sexual fantasies. The kind with cheerleaders, school girls, and so on. Finally, you have your senior citizens. They normally fantasize about their grandchildren growing up and raising their great grandchildren.

In which category do I fall in? Simple. None.

I live in my own world.

Quick timeline of the evolution of the fantasy world:

Early 2004 – My first celebrity crush.

Mid 2004 – The fantasy was created in the form of a story.

Late 2005 – Real life crushes were included in the fantasy.

Mid 2005 – The fantasy began to fade and reality kicked in.

Late 2007 – The fantasy was making a comeback.

Late 2008 – The fantasy world was created.

Mid 2009 – Human emotions are added to the fantasy world.

Contrary to popular belief, I never came up with this alone. It was actually a theory brought up by my best friend. Much like you, I thought he was insane. But slowly I started to understand the logic behind the fantasy world and thus we created a joint fantasy world.

So…what happens in the fantasy world? Most of it is based on what the media depicts. The entertainment industry plays a huge role in manipulating the fantasy world.

High profile relationships.

Lifestyle of the rich and famous.

Exotic car prices.

Income of a celebrity.

Red carpet events.

What’s mentioned above are just some of the many key aspects that go into the events that play out in the fantasy world. These elements are able to manipulate careers, lifestyle, and relationship status in the fantasy world. What plays out in the fantasy world is actually based on what happens in reality and is also branched out to 2 categories.

Dating and Relationships

Quite possibly the most important aspect in the fantasy world. In reality, it actually begins with an infatuation for another whether it be celebrity or commoner. With a commoner, one can easily manipulate what is going on in the relationship but when as it relates to celebrity love life, it’s a little more complicated. A like for the celebrity will allow you to easily search for the going-ons in the his or her life. This will allow you to trigger events that happen in the realm from how you met to how you broke up. However, it does get dangerous when human emotion is added to the mix because as I said earlier the fantasy world is based on real life happenings and depression will occur and will thus affect ones overall performance.

Lifestyle

This part gets a little technical. Various calculations are usually done to ensure the effectiveness of the realism in the lifestyle. Career choices will affect salaries. Salaries affect lifestyles. Enough said.

So what’s been going on in my head? Well, I am my best friend’s agent and also the owner of an up and coming company known as Teorista Enterprises.

Places in which I have a home:

London, England
~~Hendersonville, Tennessee, USA~~
Malibu, California, USA
New York City, New York, USA

Vehicles I own:

Lamborghini Murcielago LP640
Lamborghini Estoque
Aston Martin DBS
Shelby Cobra GT500
Land Rover LRX
The Tumbler

My ex-girlfriends:

Joanna ‘JoJo’ Levesque
Vanessa Anne Hudgens
Andrea Lauren Bowen
Kristen Bell
Aliana Lohan
AnnaSophia Robb

What else? I earn £ 3,712,688 a year. I don’t own a private jet, I normally fly a commercial flight. First class of course. Much like reality, I don’t club in the fantasy world either.

Yeah, that pretty much covers it.

Now you know…

When reality and fantasy converge…

2009-08-01T09:48:00.001-07:00

Emotionally draining. I feel so suffocated. This is what it is…to feel…empty. I can’t believe how I’m feeling right now due to a misplaced emotional attachment. I feel stupid. As if I was in a dream and never wanted to wake up. When dreams turn into nightmares then how do you cope?

I don’t know

But what I do know is…

I hate that I love you…

Clubbing, Brolly, and Unholy Alliances

2009-07-30T08:27:00.001-07:00

So today, college was good as it has been since the start of this semester. Sure, the timetable is horrendous but nonetheless, it works. Today started like any other day…woke up, played game, brushed teeth, showered, put on clothes, leave.

Arrived. Met this awesome dude named Kevin. He is knowledgeable as hell and he reads comics (Not that pathetic excuse we all know as a manga). He seems to have one problem though and that is his jokes can get a little stale.

Oh right, it’s Amber’s birthday today. So everyone decided to go to Ministry of Sound. Well…everyone except for the 3 people sitting at the back at the ‘People who don’t go clubbing’ section.

I never liked clubbing. I was never interested in that lifestyle. I never got the fascination behind clubbing. Hell, Aris and I use clubbing as a joke. To be honest, I was never really against it either. But when I think of clubbing, several things come to mind:

The different crowds at a club:

Underage morons who want to act cool
Curious people who just want to experience it
Socialites
Smokers
Alcoholics
Rempits
Ah Bengs
Drug addicts
People who are only doing it because a friend asked to

I can understand the rempits, ah bengs, smokers, alcoholics, and drug addicts go there because that seems to be the only place they’re accepted. The socialites are there because of their upbringing so that’s ok to a certain extent. Others are ok. Except for those underage morons. I don’t get that. You’re 16 or 17 and still in high school. You’re naive as hell. The place could damn well get raided so you risk going to jail. You got school the next day. Conclusion, you’re a douchebag.

Things people do in a club:

Dance
Make a mockery of themselves
Drink
Smoke
Talk loudly

Bush Killaz Brolly Tour 2009 was AWESOME!!!

Since photos are on Facebook. I shall not post it here.

Thrill for a Day

2009-07-23T13:56:00.001-07:00

Amazing day today. Went to Sunway Lagoon with Dixie, Amber, Jasmine, and Wei Wen. Crazy fun day of excitement and awesomeness.

I was wrong about Sunway Lagoon. I always thought the rides there were too dangerous and somehow always revert back to when I was 4 years old. Well it seems that my perception of Sunway Lagoon was completely and utterly false.

We went on the rides several times:

Pirate’s Revenge (2-3)
Tomahawk (1)
The Lost City of Gold (4)
Grand Rapids (1)
Boot (1)
Fast Yoga Mat Water Ride (5)
Log Ride (2)
Life Raft Water Slide (1)

Out of all those I just listed or failed to mention, the worst of them all has got to be Pirate’s Revenge.

When you see it from afar, it actually looks…decent…nothing to scary but at the same time has that thriller aspect to it. But once you get in and you place that overhead safety bar in position and the lower safety bar crushes your genitals for about 3 seconds in order to lock you in…well it still isn’t that bad. Once you start swinging, well the first thing that popped into my mind is “What the hell did I get my self into!?”. That was followed by a lot of screaming, ‘oh my god’ moments, and ‘dear lord’ moments.

The scariest part of the ride is when they suspend you upside down in mid air. When you hear that the engine stopped and that they cut the power and you open your eyes. It’s like staring death in the face.

The worst thing you can do after that is head for the Tomahawk.

2 arch shaped boat-like structures placed side by side going a full 360 degrees several times with great velocity. It looked safe but when I got in and put on my safety bar which is only held to by a safety belt and went upside down, I literally fell out of my seat. Didn’t help that Amber was screaming her lungs out…or maybe that was me…or Wei Wen…

The best one for me was ‘The Lost City of Gold’ ride. We went four times and after each time, the ride felt easier. It’s a classic roller coaster in a sense that it has 2 very fast parts and 1 of which has a camera.

Photos (Credit to Amber):

Jasmine, myself, Amber, Wei Wen, and Dixie

The 4 of them on Pirate’s Revenge. I opted for camera duty because I was having chest pains. Seriously.

Near the Koi Fish area

Jasmine. Obviously the most…excited part of the group

The most important thing is that today, I faced my fears. Sure, I did wacky things to suppress it. But at the end of the day, I was…Fearless.

After Sunway Lagoon, we went to Carls Junior. No pictures. Everyone was too tired and too hungry.

The coolest lesson I learned today is that you feel most alive when you’re facing death.

Thought provoking nonsense…

2009-07-21T11:11:00.001-07:00

I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately…one of which is why I was born here. Why not elsewhere? Like say…Upper East Side or Beverly Hills…

Here’s how this thought provoking came about. I was chatting with Aris Bundchen.

The conversation goes like this:

Aris Bundchen says:

I’m in LA.
Surprise for Sel.